JOURNAL PAGE 1

If you’re reading this, I’m already dead, and since you picked up this book, they’ll want you to join me. Don’t worry, I have a plan for us. You must do exactly what I say, but first, here’s what you need to know:

Your body receives commands through electrical signals sent from the brain through nerves. It's how your arm slaps your boss, your fingers flip em off, and your legs propel you out the 3rd story window. Well, how does the electrical signal actually get from point A to point B? Every electrical impulse your body carries depends on an environment that’s overwhelmingly water. Now this will sound fucking insane.. but if you’ve ever played telephone as a kid, you know that by the time a message reaches the last person, it’s gone through so many iterations that it ends up a different message. It’s not always intentional, but if the chain contains just one idiot, that message might as well be the Epstein files - half redacted and mostly rewritten. It’s all fun and games though, unless we swap that idiot out with a malicious motherfucker who has an AGENDA. I found empirical evidence suggesting that water is this malicious motherfucker with an agenda. Like a mailman who rewrites your mail before delivering it making you think you owe money to the IRS or that the DNA test says you’re the father. Except instead of mail, it's your own thoughts and actions. I know, I also peed my pants a bit when I first heard it. They had me on a catheter at the time. Laughing does that.

I am an idiot, but I’m not stupid enough to think you’d believe this. That’s why I brought proof. Not some theory you’d find at 3am at the bottom of a YouTube rabbithole. More like the one you’d find on 4chan before it’s deleted by the FBI. That proof is inside this very church, and I need your help to preserve it. Hell, the WORLD needs your help. I have your PRESCRIPTIVE guidance detailed below that you must follow EXACTLY. Just remember, follow “god,” and whatever you do, DO NOT LET THEM—

*pages from here look ripped out*