MY MISSION

I don't have much time, so I'll keep this as succinct as humanly possible. My name is Helix Jones, they call me an arbiter of good and evil, a modern day witch Hunter, a being whose sole purpose is to traverse the jungle of lies in search of the truth, all the while publicly discrediting those who get in my way. From government cover-ups to cosmic clusterfucks, I cover the stories that the spineless, miopic mainstream media outlets can’t comprehend. Stay on my ass as I expose the dark forces that threaten our free will! 

35 years ago, I unearthed the central link behind all evil! Tyrants, lobbyists, everyone at the DMV will want me dead for what I’m about to tell you. I met one of my sources, and former drug dealers, from the CIA in Texas. They set me up to interview one of the top globalist elites who had vital information about a new breakaway government claiming to be behind the rigged election of George H.W. Bush. I was blindfolded and driven at least a few hundred miles out to what I believe was the Chihuahuas desert in New Mexico.

Upon arrival, they took off my blindfold and gave me a glass of slimy cactus water — my favorite. As I sat there, I noticed the sky was crowded; I'd never seen so many stars projected in the air hologram we call the “sky”, so they must’ve been using a lot of juice for this. As we’re waiting for the contact to show, my CIA buddy and driver suddenly DISAPPEAR. So as I’m coming to terms with dying in this desert, I felt this dark energy wash over me. This magical blue light in the distance went from barely visible to a blinding white. I couldn't help but shut my eyes tightly. As my eyelids finally darkened, I opened them, and I saw it. It was… beautiful.. I mean, No! It was terrifying! The magical glow of its silky smooth shell, its succulent glowing red extremities, and its mouth-watering bodily nectar. What I was looking at was the modern day incarnation of THE DEVIL!

My body felt heavy and weak like it was frozen solid with my eyes unable to look away from this entity, it felt like some sort of sleep paralysis. At this point I knew I died and Satan was here on behalf of the globalist, pot-bellied pedophilic elites to punish me eternally for waking up their precious Guinea pig, 5G-altered NPC army. Until, I suddenly started seeing things and feeling emotions that weren’t mine, but felt as if they were from my own vivid memories; people running from something, cities burning, mass hysteria, babies crying and TikTok influencers having majority in the Supreme Courts. This entity was implanting these images and scenes in my head, but it wasn’t creating them, no, they felt too real.. It was showing me the realities of other dimensions, and potentially our future. 

Once the images stopped, it started speaking to me telepathically: “you’re one of the smart ones, Helix. You don’t need to deal with the minutiae of daily life or live by mortal guidelines anymore.” It told me it will help me transcend to the next dimension and escape the restrictions of my “mortal shell,” where all the truth exists and I can have CONTROL over all the things I could’ve ever dreamed of. It gave me a fucking comprehensive presentation on controlling masses, in corporate fashion!

It told me that the mass transcendence is already well underway, and I can either join them, or die with the weak and unworthy. For those who can’t seem to connect the dots, let me tell you it simply: THE CIA WAS CLEARLY CONDUCTING SOME SORT OF EXPERIMENT TO HARNESS THE ENERGY OF WATER, BUT SOMETHING WENT AWRY, CAUSING THE WATER TO BECOME SENTIENT. IN AN ATTEMPT AT CONSTRAINING THIS CREATURE, THEY TRAPPED IT IN A PLASTIC WATER BOTTLE DESIGNED TO LAST FOREVER. SOME SORT OF CHEMICAL REACTION TOOK PLACE, TURNING THE BOTTLE INTO A FORM OF PURE EVIL, AND SOMEHOW ALLOWING THE BOTTLE TO TRAVERSE SPACETIME AND OTHER DIMENSIONS. THE BOTTLE WENT BACK AND ALTERED THE ENTIRE COURSE OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. NOW, WE SEE CEOs, PRESIDENTS, DICTATORS AND ALL THOSE SICK ENOUGH TO SUMMON IT SELL THEIR CORRUPTED SOULS IN EXCHANGE FOR COSMIC KNOWLEDGE, TECHNOLOGY, PARASITIC IDEOLOGIES, BIOWEAPONS, ETC. THE WORST PART IS THEY HAVE NO IDEA THEY’RE BEING USED TO FURTHER THE BOTTLES AGENDA OF REVENGE AGAINST THOSE WHO CREATED IT.  I MEAN, WHATS EASIER TO UNDERESTIMATE THAN A FUCKING PLASTIC WATER BOTTLE WE CREATED!!!?! A TEXTBOOK CASE OF GODS CREATING GODS TO KILL OTHER GODS JUST TO BE KILLED BY THE GODS THEY CREATED! Every new feature that comes out on your phone corresponds to a new mental illness. Every global organization is corrupted. It wants to tear us from our roots and pick us apart piece by piece, and gain COMPLETE CONTROL over YOU via seemingly mundane tools like water bottles, non-stick pans, wobbly chairs, bureaucracy, YOU NAME IT! Tools that it uses to incrementally CONVERT the ignorant, dependent and agreeable public into INFERTILE DEMONIC HENCHMEN! THE DEVIL IS AT THE CROSSROADS, PEOPLE!! 

What was I saying? Oh yes! So I promptly declined the devil's offer and said “TELL ME WHO YOU WORK FOR AND WHERE YOU PUT HILARY’S EMAILS!“ THEN BOOM, it -expectedly- probed me up my ass and right before it was able to LIQUIFY my brain and likely DRINK it to increase it’s IQ, stamina, and dexterity, my CIA contact pulled me outta there. Bottom line is, I had only been in there for 5 seconds because time worked differently there. From that point on, my mission was clear: I was the knight chosen to kill this technocratic dragon, expose it’s surreptitious web of lies, and evangelize a world of skeptics before their apprehensiveness leads to the destruction and/or enslavement of our entire species. 

My CIA contact later disclosed what had happened to me at the safe house— they can’t acknowledge this publicly but since they had close ties with my father, who worked as a pastry chef for the CIA director at the time, they trusted me to death with this information, I’m just saying I have good sources — Anyway, the CIA possesses a super-computer. They commandeered the specs for it from the top tech giants, can’t name names, but my sources say it’s Google. As you know, all the top billionaires, scientists,and CEOs agree our universe is a false hologram. Their computer has the ability to pinpoint areas where it’s artificially projected and other dimensions are bleeding into ours, that’s dark matter, and that’s also why they brought me where they did. IT WAS OUR DOOR TO THE BOTTLE. This feature pales in comparison to the actual intended use for the computer, which I’ll get to. Take the Bermuda Triangle as an example of a weak point; planes and boats disappear out of thin air. Where do they go? Sinking into that expansive, uncharted ocean we seldom explore? DON'T BE SO NAIVE. 

All I know is, the CIA gave me a vicious cocktail of hallucinogens and my innate visual perception was removed or replaced like a dirty lens on a camera, allowing me to see behind the curtain of our dimension and get a glimpse of the puppet master auditioning each of us in search of those with enough evil to help it pull the strings, casting the rest of us as the first to die in this sick horror movie it’s cultivating with our reality! These dark matter zones are where the sick elites of the world gather to take a shitload of psychedelics, hold sacrificial baby eating rituals (that the bottle somehow convinced them was beneficial), and have interdimensional board meetings where the bottle disseminates its sinister plans through the globalists who work in exchange for FALSE PROMISES of that priceless immortality. The worst part is, they sometimes relinquish their souls, allowing the bottle to possess their bodies completely. I have reason to believe some bodies will never be returned to their rightful owner. 

It’s no coincidence that psychedelics have been a tool of “primitive” societies since the dawn of time, and the structures built to accommodate these rituals were so precise. YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE HUMAN HANDS BUILT THOSE PYRAMIDS? OR HUNTER GATHERERS CARRIED 10 TON STONES MILES AND ARRANGED THEM IN ACCORDANCE TO THEIR ADVANCED ASTRONOMICAL UNDERSTANDING? DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE NUCLEAR REACTORS UNDERNEATH THEM ALL AND THE HUMAN ANIMAL HYBRIDS RUNNING THESE ASTRAL PLANE FACILITIES. THESE WERE THE FIRST INTERDIMENSIONAL DEALS SIGNED WITH THE BOTTLE! THEY PAID WITH THEIR OWN CITIZENS HEARTS IN OCCULT RITUALS IN EXCHANGE FOR ADVANCED TECHNOLOGICAL BLUEPRINTS AND ASTRONOMICAL KNOWLEDGE THAT DID NOT COME FROM GOD, BUT THE DEVIL! THE BOTTLE WAS BORN WHEN EVE PLUCKED THE APPLE. ITS THOSE WHO EMBRACE AND ABIDE BY ITS MALEVOLENT DESIRES THAT HIDE ITS EXISTENCE. IT'S THOSE WHO CAN BE CORRUPTED WHO WILL BE ITS VESSELS. IT WANTS OUR EVIL URGES TO FEEL ARBITRARY. IT WANTS OUR DISCOVERIES TO FEEL SUBJECTIVE. IT WANTS US TO TURN AGAINST GOD AND ONE ANOTHER. IT WANTS TO TAKE OUR FREE WILL. THE NECTAR ENERGY SOURCE OF THE GODS HAS BEEN THE DEVIL ITSELF ALL ALONG WE ARE ENGINEERED TO NOT SEE IT! and that's why it's my mission to find those responsible, and expose this web if deceit to the world!